projectiheart's posterous http://projectiheart.posterous.com Most recent posts at projectiheart's posterous posterous.com Tue, 01 Feb 2011 20:25:00 -0800 Scraps http://projectiheart.posterous.com/scraps http://projectiheart.posterous.com/scraps

I didn’t want to like him. I didn’t want to like anybody after him. It hurt too much. It hurt too much being this broken. I was going to harden my heart, that thing I wished had never begun beating another’s name in the first place. Stupid heart. Stupid head.

But, I’ve been tripped up, wounded when I wasn’t looking, and I should’ve seen - saw it coming. Least likely, even the Prince told me to be wary of least likely. They are the most dangerous. I should know, I’ve run up against one and have been brushing against another.

How does this happen? I don’t want to like him. I wish he were mean, off-putting, but not in the charming way he off-puts. I don’t want to write about him, but he keeps filling up my pages. I have to be cautious, wary that there are no accidental sketches. Sketch marks, that’s all I need.

He’s so disturbing, but not in the way that turns minds cold. I can’t even summon ice in my heart when he makes odd turns of phrases that might, to a lesser trained ear, be considered rude. He turns my world sideways up.

Why did I take up archery? I wanted a new hobby to help me forget, to keep me occupied so I didn’t touch a story that could no longer be mine. I traded one hobby for another and that’s the rub. Hobbies, these things picked up, but often put down.  Put down in favor of another.

My sister says things I know she doesn’t mean, I suppose it’s what little sisters do, though I’d trade mine for one like the Prince’s; sweet tempered, kind. Scraps, Rebecca said I should enjoy them, because in this life that’s all I’d get and I should enjoy them when received. I used to laugh at her until what happened, happened.

I don’t want to like him. I wish he were mean. I should find a new hobby. One that doesn’t include seeing Orion on the archery field…but when he calls me Artemis with that half-mocking grin, I like it. Mother forbid, I like it.

And worse…I like him.

- Rizza (Riley)

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